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Friday Special Tickle your funny bone...

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  #271  
Old March 24th, 2016, 02:16 PM
Jagmohan Jagmohan is offline
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Re: Joke for Today!

पत्नी---" ये वाला स्टील का गिलास लो"।
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पति---"नहीं, ज़रा और बड़ा गिलास लेंगे" !
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दुकानदार---"साहब जी, महिला दिवस भले ही चला गया है,लेकिन मैडम जो कह रही हैं, वही गिलास ले लीजिए ना"..!!!
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पति ---"अरे भैया तुम्हें बेचने की पड़ी है लेकिन इस छोटे से गिलास में मेरा हाथ घुसता नहीं है, मैं इसे माँजूगा कैसे ???




aries' bf- baby bhot bhukh lagi kuch aisa bana jo fatafat ban jae
aries- oki main baat ka batangad bnati hu





Girl gets caught by her dad with her bf at her home
Boy:uncle I love her.
Dad:hmm..Kitna kamaate ho?
Boy:nai uncle Main to roz aata hu.




rv- do you want to hear a joke about sodium

rohan - Na

rv- do u want to hear a joke about sodium hypobromite

rohan- NaBro

Last edited by swami; December 16th, 2016 at 07:47 PM.
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  #272  
Old March 24th, 2016, 02:16 PM
Jagmohan Jagmohan is offline
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Re: Joke for Today!

Yeh Ladkiyan bhi ajeeb hoti hai....
Tyar hone ke liye Parlour jaati hai....
Aur ....
Parlour jaane ke liye bhi tyar hoti hai..





विजय आज भी ...
फेके हुए पैसे नहीं उठाता ...
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सीधे बैंक से लेके भाग जाता है......
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  #273  
Old March 26th, 2016, 05:12 PM
Jagmohan Jagmohan is offline
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Re: Joke for Today!

Breakups in China are worst, you see her face everywhere.


The radius of Wi-Fi is Limited...
But the radius of Wife-Eye is Unlimited...
Hope every1 had a safe Valentine Day!!!


What is Checkmate ?
You tell your Wife,
"I saw a lady,
looked exactly like you"
Wife asks,
"WAS SHE BEAUTIFUL..??"
You cant say 'NO'
You cant say 'YES'
That is Checkmate.!


Most of the men and women at the gym are working towards the same goal:
The perfect female body.


Thought of the day:
All marriages are happy. It's the living together afterward that causes all the trouble


In Delhi, people don't know which car to take out Today odd or even number
In Dubai, people don't know which wife to take out today.
In California, they don't know who's wife to take out today.

Last edited by swami; December 16th, 2016 at 07:47 PM.
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  #274  
Old March 26th, 2016, 05:15 PM
Jagmohan Jagmohan is offline
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Re: Joke for Today!

Men have opinions, women have advice.


When Big B was singing the National anthem , rekha was very impressed and stood up to approach him, seeing this big B sang the last lines very loudly
" Jaya hai jaya hai jaya hai"


If Vijay Mallya gets into film production..Kingfisher Productions (Films of Good Times) Presents:


1 Soda akbar
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2 Sab ne pila di thodi
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3 Rum de basanti
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4 Hum tight ho chuke sanam
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5 Beer zara
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6 Bevde zameen par
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7 Ek tha bagpiper
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8 Rum maaro rum
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9 Maine drink tujhko diya
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10 Daaru dance
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11 Pag liya toh chakhna kya
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12 Ulti kar di aapne

13. Kabhi whisky, Kabhi Rum

14. Brandy Rathore

15. 3 Drunkards

16. Ek thaa Kingfisher

17. Whisky Donor

Coming soon to a theater near you,....
If Vijay Maalya started making movies,..



HUMBLE REQUEST :
He has served us Beer when we were Sad & Happy
Now he needs our help
Please save Vijay Mallya,
Pls ADOPT atleast ONE Kingfisher Airhostess.

Last edited by Jagmohan; March 26th, 2016 at 05:26 PM.
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  #275  
Old March 26th, 2016, 05:18 PM
Jagmohan Jagmohan is offline
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Re: Joke for Today!

लोकसभा में स्मृति ईरानी के चंडी रूप ने सबसे ज्यादा मोदी और राहुल को अचंभित किया।
बाकी विवाहित लोग तो औरत का ये रूप रोज अपने घरों में देखते ही रहते हैं।



आज की नारी...
मैं एक बेटी हूँ..
मैं एक बहन हूँ..
मैं एक बीवी हूँ..
मैं एक मॉं भी हूँ....
लेकिन खबरदार जो किसी ने आंटी बोला तो..!!



“बारिश में चलना पसन्द है मुझे..
ताकि मेरे आंसू को कोई पहचान न सके.”:|:|:|
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.ऐसे शायरी वो लौंडे मारते हैं..
जो तालाब में नहाते वक़्त सु-सु भी कर देते हैं.



सावधान;
Whatsapp और Facebook का साईड इफेक्ट हो रहा है !
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कल एक आदमी
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अखबार में छपे फोटो को भी ऊंगलियो से zoom कर रहा था

Last edited by swami; December 16th, 2016 at 07:48 PM.
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  #276  
Old March 26th, 2016, 05:19 PM
Jagmohan Jagmohan is offline
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Re: Joke for Today!

...A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.


... The batteries were given out free of charge.


... A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.


... A will is a dead giveaway.


... With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.


... A boiled egg is hard to beat.


... Police were called to the daycare centre, where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.


.. Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.


... A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.


... The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.


... He had a photographic memory which was never developed.


... When she saw her first strands of grey hair thought she'd dye.


... Acupuncture is a job well done. That's the point of it.
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  #277  
Old March 26th, 2016, 05:21 PM
Jagmohan Jagmohan is offline
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Re: Joke for Today!

हमे जिस देश पर नाज है, आज में पूछना चाहता हूँ की ये देश इतना संवेदन हीन कैसे हो सकता हे
क्या यही हमारी संस्कृति हे
महीनो से एक अबला नारी गुहार लगा रही हे
मगर उसकी सुनने वाला कोई नहीं है
कहाँ है सारे महिला संगठन
कहाँ हें अवार्ड वापसी वाले आर्टिस्ट
क्या उन्हें इस मासूम की गुहार सुनाई नहीं देती
जबकि हर किसी ने फरियाद सुनी है
वो महीनो से कह रही हे
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Dj वाले बाबू.. मेरा गाना बजा दो ।



बाबा रामदेव ने कहा " ठण्ड से बचने के लिए आजवाइन पिए "
कुछ दर्शको ने ये समझा aaj wine पियें।



हम इंडियन्स से ज्यादा पानी किसीने भी
नहीं बचाया होगा..
अरे हमने तो मुहावरे तक में सिर्फ 'चुल्लू' भर पानी ही
खर्च किया था..!



दारू बनाने वाला कर्ज में है
दारू बनाने के लिए कर्ज देने वाले बैंक क़र्ज़ में हैं
और दारू पीने वाले भी कर्ज में है
तो पैसा गया कहाँ?



एक नई App आई है... एक घंटा मोबाइल नही छुओ तो, मोबाइल से आवाज आती है, "मालिक, जिन्दा हो या चल बसे।"



अगर दर्द भरी शायरी पेलने से लड़की मिलती तो
आज सबसे ज्यादा gf पंकज उधास और शब्बीर कुमार की
होती
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  #278  
Old March 26th, 2016, 05:30 PM
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swami swami is offline
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Re: Joke for Today!

Please use WhatsApp thread to post WhatsApp forwards
Thanking you
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  #279  
Old March 29th, 2016, 06:17 PM
Jagmohan Jagmohan is offline
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Re: Joke for Today!

I don't know where this material will fit, hence putting it, here.

Facebook wall: Reactions to Narendra Modiís suggestion to popularise Football during Mann Ki Baat

http://www.fakingnews.firstpost.com/...-mann-ki-baat/


Australian Player

https://www.facebook.com/fanollywood...3180149966564/
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  #280  
Old April 9th, 2016, 09:04 PM
Jagmohan Jagmohan is offline
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Re: Joke for Today!

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  #281  
Old November 13th, 2016, 03:12 PM
prajapati prajapati is offline
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prajapati has much to be proud ofprajapati has much to be proud ofprajapati has much to be proud ofprajapati has much to be proud ofprajapati has much to be proud ofprajapati has much to be proud ofprajapati has much to be proud ofprajapati has much to be proud ofprajapati has much to be proud ofprajapati has much to be proud of
Re: Joke for Today!

डॉक्टर नु नवु भाव पञक

(1) consulting fee : 2 kg बासमती चाेखा अने तुवेर दाल
(2) Blood Sugar fees : 2 कीलाे शाकभाजी
(3) CT SCAN : 10 कीलाे घी
(4) Tooth extraction : 15 kg सफाेला तेल
(5) Fracture sitting & plaster: 1 नंग सीलीनडर
(6) 1 Day admission in deluxe AC Room : विमान भाडु वाडेकर थी मुंबई
(7) Angiography & Angioplasty : विमान भाडु युराेप टूर
(8)Cesarean (प्रस्तुती ): 1महीना नु राशन
(9)Bypass : नेकलेस वीथ रिंग

पण 500 /1000 नी नाेट नहीं
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पैसों के लिये नाता तोड़ने वाले,

पैसा छुपाने के लिये रिश्तेदार ढूँढ रहे है।




Everyone tries to find only two things : :
1. Soni
2. So(100) ni

.
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  #282  
Old December 16th, 2016, 01:17 PM
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Re: Joke for Today!

मोदी:-
'पेशाब के बाद साबुन से हाथ जरूर धोना चाहिए'.

दिग्विजय सिंह :-
मैंने तो आज तक नहीं धोये, यह आरएसएस की चाल है आरएसएस अपनी विचारधारा को थोपना चाहता है .

अकबरुदीन ओवेसी:-
मोदी में हिम्मत है तो हैदराबाद आ कर हाथ धो कर दिखाए ।

सोनिया गांधी :-
गरीब विरोधी सरकार है, जिस के पास साबुन नहीं वो कैसे हाथ धोएगा साबुन से , इस्तीफ़ा इस्तीफ़ा , संसद नहीं चलने देंगे.

लालू :-
कैसे मोदी जबरदस्ती से तानाशाह हो गए हैं , हमारी मर्जी , हम धोएंगे नहीं चाटेंगे।

मायावती:-
साबुन से हाथ धोने से कीटाणु मर जाते हैं, झारखण्ड में आदिवासी लोग कीटाणुओं को देवता मानते हैं , ये मनुवादी सरकार है दलितों का अपमान नहीं सहेंगे ।

मीडिया:-
पेशाब के बाद हाथ धोना क्यों जरूरी है? क्या यही लोकतंत्र है? शाम 6 बजे देखिये बड़ी बहस "सवाल धोने का नहीं पर हाथ पर पेशाब ही क्यों करें?"

नितीश कुमार :-
यह लोकतंत्र पर हमला है , लोगो पर छोड़ देना चाहिए की वो हाथ धोएं या नहीं , हम बिहार में हाथ नहीं धोने वालों को 30 % आरक्षण देंगे .

राहुल गांधी:-
मोदी जी हाथ धोने ही नहीं देते

दुकानदार मोदी से:-
साहिब ये बवाल क्यों हो रहा है?

मोदी :-
एक Handwash दे यार, इनका रोज का ड्रामा है.
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  #283  
Old December 16th, 2016, 04:25 PM
prajapati prajapati is offline
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Re: Joke for Today!

*Cicero of the Roman empire wrote this about the situation during his lifetime:*

1. The poor - work & work.
2. The rich - exploit the poor.
3. The soldier - protects both.
4. The taxpayer - pays for all three.
5. The wanderer - rests for all four.
6. The drunk - drinks for all five.
7. The banker - robs all six.
8. The lawyer - misleads all seven.
9. The doctor - bills all eight.
10. The undertaker - buries all nine.
11. The Politician - lives happily on account of all ten.

*Written in 43 B.C., but valid even today.*
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Now govt is going to take away all ur unregistered properties back.
Have you registered your marriage.....????
If not registered... You are lucky..
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Life is a Visiting Card,
Wife is a Memory Card,
Husband is A T M card
girl fnd is a Debit card
Neighbour is a greeting card
Sister-in-Law is a Recharge card
Mother father is Pan card
Brother-in-Law is a " duplicate CARD "
child is a Identity card
But Friends are "AADHAR" Card
Useful for everywhere.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
BIWI JAISI HO GAYI HAI CURRENCY.
Purani chalti nahi...
Nayi milti nahi....
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
We have our own Indian calendar now, starting 8th November 2016.
BC - Before Currency
AD - After Demonetization
----------------------------------------------------------------------
" I wont die until america is destroyed"---- Castro

Trump got elected.

Castro dies



Last edited by swami; December 16th, 2016 at 07:46 PM.
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  #284  
Old December 16th, 2016, 04:40 PM
prajapati prajapati is offline
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Re: Joke for Today!

स्मार्ट पति:-
पति-पत्नि में झगड़ा हो रहा था।
पत्नि: मैं पूरा घर संभालती हूँ.. किचन संभालती हूँ.. बच्चों को संभालती हूँ.. तुम क्या करते हो ?
पति: मैं खुद को संभालता हूँ.... तुम्हारी नशीली आँखें देखकर..
बीवी: आप भी ना ....
चलो बताओ आज क्या बनाऊँ आपकी पसंद का ...
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There is a new eye disease in the country.
Every time you look
into your wallet,
You cannot see any cash.
Doctors are calling it *MODIYA BIND*
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आज किसी ने मुझसे पूछा-
*इत्र और मित्र में क्या फ़र्क़ है?*
मैंने कहा-
माहौल महका दे वो इत्र
और
*पुराने नोट बदलवा देवे वो मित्र*
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लड़की की शादी तय हो गयी
दहेज में लड़के वाले
5 बैंक अकाउंट 0 बेलेंस वाले
मांग रहे हैं ...
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सिर्फ आत्मा से प्रेम करो ...
शरीर का क्या है ...?
कल sbi की लाइन में खड़ा था, आज pnb की ..
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शादी का पहला कार्ड पहले भगवान् के सामने रखते थे ......पर अब बैंक मॅनेजर के सामने रखना पड रहा है.
देश बदल रहा है !
------

एक शादी मे केजरीवाल बहुत देर से खाना खा रहा था,
..........किसी ने पूछा कितना खाओगे.....
वो बोला
....मै भी खाते-खाते परेशान हो गया हूँ , लेकिन क्या करूँ.....
....मोदी जी ने कार्ड मे लिखवाया है कि खाना खाने का समय 7 से 10 बजे तक ....

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ये ATM की लाईन भी कोई लाईन है ?

मोदी अगर ये कह दे की 4 घंटे बाद दारू नही मिलेगी,
.
.
.
तब देखना लाइन किसे कहते है।

_____

बाबा रामदेव से तो उसी दिन नफरत हो गयी थी जब उनके कारण मेरे घर में लौकी की सब्जी के साथ साथ लौकी का जूस भी बनने लगा।
_______

आज सनी लीओन जब 3 करोड कैश बैंक में जमा करवा के बहार निकली तो *income Tax Department* वालो ने घेर लिया -
मैडम income का source दिखाओ !

______

पेंचो पान की दूकान पर खड़े फटीचर भी 500/1000 के नोट बंद होने पर प्रतिक्रियाएं दे रहे है जो खुद पनवाड़ी से 5 रु का गुटका उधार खरीदते है।

_________

इनकम टैक्स ने केजरी को नोटिस भेजा :
आपने पिछले साल क्या कमाई की, उसका हिसाब दीजिए और उसका टैक्स जुर्माने के साथ जमा कीजिए.
केजरी;
पिछले साल मेरी कमाई हुई 1000 , 5000 अण्डे, 10000 गालियाँ. बताईए, इनमें कितनी आपको बतौर टैक्स भेजूँ..?
इनकम टैक्स :
ढ़ाई लाख तक छूट है, और खाईए.

--------------

मित्रों ठंडी की शुरूवात हो गई, अलार्म बजता है तो भी निंद खुलती नहीं

काफ़ी सोचा

फिर मोदीजी की आवाज़ में अलार्म ट्यून सेट किया

भाईयों और बहनों.......,

क़सम से घर के सब एक साथ उठ जाते हैं

Last edited by swami; December 16th, 2016 at 07:49 PM.
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