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  #1  
Old August 18th, 2010, 02:33 PM
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Unhappy Dealing with Death

One of my childhood friends that I grew up with was taken away last night at a young age of 37. He was returning home from the gym a couple of days ago when a drunk truck driver ran him over outside his apartment building in Pune. Doctors tried to save his life and he hung on for 2 days before his body gave up. Since I got this news, I've been devastated. I don't know what to do. I've called up his parents and brother and tried to console them and myself. I have not had the courage to talk to his wife and 7yr old son yet. I don't know what to say to them. If I am having such a difficult time dealing with this sudden loss, how would they be coping? Shit, feel so helpless in such situations. I came to work today, but have done anything but talk to our mutual friends and families back home, just trying to understand. How do you deal with this? Feeling lower than shit today.
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  #2  
Old August 18th, 2010, 02:39 PM
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Re: Dealing with Death

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Originally Posted by Zorro View Post
One of my childhood friends that I grew up with was taken away last night at a young age of 37. He was returning home from the gym a couple of days ago when a drunk truck driver ran him over outside his apartment building in Pune. Doctors tried to save his life and he hung on for 2 days before his body gave up. Since I got this news, I've been devastated. I don't know what to do. I've called up his parents and brother and tried to console them and myself. I have not had the courage to talk to his wife and 7yr old son yet. I don't know what to say to them. If I am having such a difficult time dealing with this sudden loss, how would they be coping? Shit, feel so helpless in such situations. I came to work today, but have done anything but talk to our mutual friends and families back home, just trying to understand. How do you deal with this? Feeling lower than shit today.
Sorry to hear that Zorro! I have experienced it myself, my best friend from undergrad days passed away a year after we passed out of college. He had a heart condition. I didn't have the courage to call his parents. He was their only son(he had sisters, though).
Grieving is different for everyone. I like to avoid it as if it never happened. Immerse yourself in some work or something to keep your mind busy. It works for me.
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  #3  
Old August 18th, 2010, 02:39 PM
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Re: Dealing with Death

Drop everything, brother. Call them up again. Speak to his son the first thing in morning (IST). Just talk without sounding sorry for them, if possible, try to get the kid to talk more to you. Ask the kid to take care of his mother. Children understand that. Then, find some opportunity to ask the kid to call his mother on phone.

It is very very important that you speak to the child and mother.
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Old August 18th, 2010, 02:47 PM
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Re: Dealing with Death

Look up this thread - different situation, but about a friend's death. It is in super forum and you have <1000 posts. Ask the admin or mods to give you access (maybe this thread itself should go to SF). Somewhere we also had a post about a friend/ relative's death and our member couldn't find strength to contact them. How it felt etc..
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  #5  
Old August 18th, 2010, 02:48 PM
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Re: Dealing with Death

Quote:
Originally Posted by Zorro View Post
One of my childhood friends that I grew up with was taken away last night at a young age of 37. He was returning home from the gym a couple of days ago when a drunk truck driver ran him over outside his apartment building in Pune. Doctors tried to save his life and he hung on for 2 days before his body gave up. Since I got this news, I've been devastated. I don't know what to do. I've called up his parents and brother and tried to console them and myself. I have not had the courage to talk to his wife and 7yr old son yet. I don't know what to say to them. If I am having such a difficult time dealing with this sudden loss, how would they be coping? Shit, feel so helpless in such situations. I came to work today, but have done anything but talk to our mutual friends and families back home, just trying to understand. How do you deal with this? Feeling lower than shit today.
I am sorry buddy. Really feel for the family to have lost a family member and you to lose your childhood friend.
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  #6  
Old August 18th, 2010, 03:24 PM
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Re: Dealing with Death

Really sorry .... RIP to your friend.
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  #7  
Old August 18th, 2010, 03:48 PM
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Re: Dealing with Death

If he is a close friend , you need to talk to his son and wife .

Please call and let them know you are there always .
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Old August 18th, 2010, 04:00 PM
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Re: Dealing with Death

Quote:
Originally Posted by Zorro View Post
One of my childhood friends that I grew up with was taken away last night at a young age of 37. He was returning home from the gym a couple of days ago when a drunk truck driver ran him over outside his apartment building in Pune. Doctors tried to save his life and he hung on for 2 days before his body gave up. Since I got this news, I've been devastated. I don't know what to do. I've called up his parents and brother and tried to console them and myself. I have not had the courage to talk to his wife and 7yr old son yet. I don't know what to say to them. If I am having such a difficult time dealing with this sudden loss, how would they be coping? Shit, feel so helpless in such situations. I came to work today, but have done anything but talk to our mutual friends and families back home, just trying to understand. How do you deal with this? Feeling lower than shit today.

I m sorry for your loss. May God give you courage to bear this and talk to the family concerned to console them too.
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Old August 18th, 2010, 04:06 PM
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Re: Dealing with Death

Sorry for your loss Zorro. After reading your post, was not able to come up with anything I could say, so can only imagine how you can feel right now.
Hope time will heal most of the wounds.
RIP
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  #10  
Old August 18th, 2010, 04:09 PM
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Re: Dealing with Death

Sorry dude.
I think you should talk to his wife and kid to show your support.It means a lot in these situations.
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  #11  
Old August 18th, 2010, 04:32 PM
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Re: Dealing with Death

So sorry to hear about your loss Zorro. I think you should call his wife since you were good friends and I am guessing you knew her and their kid; she would appreciate it. If you do not have the courage, try sending them some flowers with a condolence note.

Every one has their own way of dealing with loss. When tragedy struck, I think about the same thing so much so that there is nothing to think about it any more. You would have exhausted all the thinking. That's when you will start thinking about the situation with out being consumed with sadness/sense of betrayal etc. If you divert your mind, its only temporary. Think all you want. Grieve all you want. Cry all you want. Its OK to be weak sometimes. Let the sadness come out of your system; you will feel better. At least it worked for me.

Again, i am so sorry to hear about your loss.

When will people realize that drinking and driving takes lives away!
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  #12  
Old August 18th, 2010, 10:50 PM
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Re: Dealing with Death

Quote:
Originally Posted by Zorro View Post
One of my childhood friends that I grew up with was taken away last night at a young age of 37. He was returning home from the gym a couple of days ago when a drunk truck driver ran him over outside his apartment building in Pune. Doctors tried to save his life and he hung on for 2 days before his body gave up. Since I got this news, I've been devastated. I don't know what to do. I've called up his parents and brother and tried to console them and myself. I have not had the courage to talk to his wife and 7yr old son yet. I don't know what to say to them. If I am having such a difficult time dealing with this sudden loss, how would they be coping? Shit, feel so helpless in such situations. I came to work today, but have done anything but talk to our mutual friends and families back home, just trying to understand. How do you deal with this? Feeling lower than shit today.
zorro bhai, sorry to hear it. i can understand how hard it is for you and your friend's family to go through this situation right now. but pllease do consider speaking to his wife and son. but few words of condolence might mean a lot to her. but avoid superficial talks. be real and ask about her future plans, financial situations, friends life insurance, etc, guide her. may be write down few points on a paper before making the phone call. even if she does not know you well (in case you were out of touch with your friend after he got married). ask all his family members to have such conversations amongst themselves too..
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Old August 19th, 2010, 07:45 AM
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Re: Dealing with Death

sorry mate. it is difficult.
tapasvi gives good practical advice. But it is too too early to talk about it. There is no doubt that you need to call all of them, including his wife. You bringing up topics like his insurance and financial condition details will not be a comfortable area for her unless you speak to her a couple or more times in the coming days.
call up your other friends, find out if they are around there...
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Old August 19th, 2010, 08:43 AM
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Re: Dealing with Death

so sorry for your loss....Keep talking to his family....They would be going through the same thing you are not knowing what to do with the sudden void...communicating in grief is the only thing that helps, i suppose
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