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  #1  
Old June 2nd, 2015, 05:00 AM
Pakau Pakau is offline
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Question Case Study: Does the brother-sister bond vanish after marriage?

Case Study: Does the brother-sister bond vanish after marriage?

We have two houses, one on the ground floor and one on the above floor. For many years, we kept the upper house vacant because we don’t want the headache of tenants. My sister resides in another town but her daughter got admission to a college in our town. My sister asked if she can stay in our above house till her daughter’s graduation is over. We let her in the upper house for free of cost for the obvious reason that she is of our family. So my sister and my niece moved to that floor and are staying without paying a single penny. Lest you misunderstand, let me tell you money is not the issue here. My brother-in-law didn’t accompany them because of job. Thus my brother-in-law doesn’t come into picture.

We have always kept our computer system on the upper floor even before they moved in. For any computer activity I go there. The computer is in a remote corner of the hall. I keep to myself and don’t bother anyone. If someone still feels disturbed they have the privacy of two fine bedrooms to choose from.

There is not much affection between me and my niece because over the years there has been lack of sufficient contact.

Originally my sister was okay if I did computers in that house. How did her opinion changed? My niece feels my presence there is unjustified. It is as if a stranger has entered their house. My sister surprisingly toes her line. My niece asks my sister questions like, “When will he leave? How long will he sit here?” My sister in turn asks those questions to me. At the behest of my niece, my sister complains to our parents that I use computer for activities unrelated to my job. As my niece gets impatient with my regular visits, she privately tells my sister, “I feel so angry that I get the urge to beat him up.” After this utterance, my sister also starts feeling the same. My niece suggests buying their own lock to prevent my entry to above house. And my sister promptly complies. My sister concurs with my niece every time and makes sarcastic comments about me. Now I find it a bit humorous. Young healthy mother gets programmed by teenaged daughter in a negative way. Does she have a mind of her own? Hee! Hee!

Due to such constant scorning, I myself feel uncomfortable going to my own house where they are using a freebie. The niece’s behavior is understandable but why does my sister agree with her? I pointed out and explained that we are blood siblings and the house belongs to our parents. Still she looks at me as if a thief entered their house.

Now I have a question. Is all this normal? Does most women’s priority change after marriage? Does, in every case, the brother-sister bond vanish after marriage? Do all women think that only husband, children and in-laws are relatives and parents and siblings cease to be relative? Kya sabhi behene shaadi ke baad parayi ho jati hai? Are every sisters like this or does this one has a warped mind? How would women you personally know respond if their children made above type demands?

Once our parents made clear their stand, the sister-niece duo stopped complaining only in our presence. I hardly need to tell this stoppage isn’t the same as the due respect. They still believe they are doing a favour by letting a BLOOD-BROTHER into a house which neither belongs to them nor is being paid for.

Edit-Add: After reading some dirty insinuations, I had to add this paragraph. Above narration is about my first didi. The niece shows such disrespect to our parents (i.e. her maternal grandparents) also. She used that “When will they leave” line for grandparents also. That’s why mom, dad and second didi are supporting me only. I will paste second didi’s opinion to clarify the matter. I thought normally didis reprimand this kind of kids by saying, “You should not talk like that. They are grandparents and uncle. If you are getting distracted, go to bedroom and study.” Instead, my first didi’s actions are influenced by her daughter! Questions arise about this didi's brain.

Last edited by Pakau; June 3rd, 2015 at 06:14 AM.
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  #2  
Old June 2nd, 2015, 05:52 AM
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Re: Case Study: Does the brother-sister bond vanish after marriage?

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Originally Posted by Pakau View Post
Case Study: Does the brother-sister bond vanish after marriage?

We have two houses, one on the ground floor and one on the above floor. For many years, we kept the upper house vacant because we don’t want the headache of tenants. My sister resides in another town but her daughter got admission to a college in our town. My sister asked if she can stay in our above house till her daughter’s graduation is over. We let her in the upper house for free of cost for the obvious reason that she is of our family. So my sister and my niece moved to that floor and are staying without paying a single penny. Lest you misunderstand, let me tell you money is not the issue here. My brother-in-law didn’t accompany them because of job. Thus my brother-in-law doesn’t come into picture.

We have always kept our computer system on the upper floor even before they moved in. For any computer activity I go there. The computer is in a remote corner of the hall. I keep to myself and don’t bother anyone. If someone still feels disturbed they have the privacy of two fine bedrooms to choose from.

There is not much affection between me and my niece because over the years there has been lack of sufficient contact.

Originally my sister was okay if I did computers in that house. How did her opinion changed? My niece feels my presence there is unjustified. It is as if a stranger has entered their house. My sister surprisingly toes her line. My niece asks my sister questions like, “When will he leave? How long will he sit here?” My sister in turn asks those questions to me. At the behest of my niece, my sister complains to our parents that I use computer for activities unrelated to my job. As my niece gets impatient with my regular visits, she privately tells my sister, “I feel so angry that I get the urge to beat him up.” After this utterance, my sister also starts feeling the same. My niece suggests buying their own lock to prevent my entry to above house. And my sister promptly complies. My sister concurs with my niece every time and makes sarcastic comments about me. Now I find it a bit humorous. Young healthy mother gets programmed by teenaged daughter in a negative way. Does she have a mind of her own? Hee! Hee!

Due to such constant scorning, I myself feel uncomfortable going to my own house where they are using a freebie. The niece’s behavior is understandable but why does my sister agree with her? I pointed out and explained that we are blood siblings and the house belongs to our parents. Still she looks at me as if a thief entered their house.

Now I have a question. Is all this normal? Does most women’s priority change after marriage? Does, in every case, the brother-sister bond vanish after marriage? Do all women think that only husband, children and in-laws are relatives and parents and siblings cease to be relative? Kya sabhi behene shaadi ke baad parayi ho jati hai? Are every sisters like this or does this one has a warped mind? How would women you personally know respond if their children made above type demands?

Once our parents made clear their stand, the sister-niece duo stopped complaining only in our presence. I hardly need to tell this stoppage isn’t the same as the due respect. They still believe they are doing a favour by letting a BLOOD-BROTHER into a house which neither belongs to them nor is being paid for.
If the house belongs to your parents then she has as much right to it as you do. And she is entitled to her privacy. Move your computer down to your floor and stop acting like you built the house all by yourself. When you build your own house with your OWN money and not inherited from your parents, then you can start acting like the king of the castle.
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Old June 2nd, 2015, 05:57 AM
Aashika Aashika is offline
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Re: Case Study: Does the brother-sister bond vanish after marriage?

Two things come to my mind.

1. It's sad that the brother has to go through this. They could have at least paid some rent. Perhaps the sense of entitlement? Exactly like how you feel about your parents home??? Don't know. Sad anyway. Maybe things could have been handled differently from both parties.

2. How old is the neice? How was the brothers behavior in her presence? I find it hard to believe that she makes up stories about her uncle without any reason. Did she see him as a potential threat? Most abuses start at home and most moms are weary about their daughters safety. If they have to choose between a daughter and a brother, more often than not they choose daughters.
If the commuter is only taking the far corner of the house, why can't they shift it downstairs?
When you give keys to anyone (including family), give them the freedom completely.

Things change when people get married, priories change too. Doesn't mean the old relations get rusted. Relationships don't vanish. They just shift.
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Old June 2nd, 2015, 06:05 AM
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Re: Case Study: Does the brother-sister bond vanish after marriage?

One sided story in the first post
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Old June 2nd, 2015, 06:40 AM
Jagmohan Jagmohan is offline
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Re: Case Study: Does the brother-sister bond vanish after marriage?

Yr story looks like you got an elder sister who is more in age than you ( wider age difference ) and still your parents are alive , and hence the married sister still acting like it’s her home too, just like she raised up before her marriage here, ( and she is used to ) and now this daughter’s daughter feels owningness at Mama’s house,.. this is the problem between mama-bhaanjii, where mama seems to be of younger age ( than his sister ) and parents are still alive.

So far parents are alive, the grand children ( yr sis’ s daughter ) they always consider like their own grand-sons and treat all as equal family, and it seems like you are not married yet.

If your parents are smart, so far they are alive,.. they should talk and teach the daughter to handle, hold and govern her’ s own marital house and try to set, settle and make steady at her saasariya house and for that, ( jeete ji ) Parents may dispatch her the necessary, gharena-daagina, saadi-kapada-latta, paisa-tijori, freeze-cars, and maal-milkat,.. etc per their will, desire, capacity and mutual understanding ( both’s daughter and parents ) and by that way, can teach and explain daughgter to stand by her own in her Hubby’s house and owning, and quit the owningness from here, after this, ( whatever you came here and stay it will be like a friendly favor as after all you are our own ) as tomorrow if this your little brother may gets marry and his wife and his kids, with this kind of yours kids owningness nature will creates nothing but the harsh court-cases problems and legal fights, as per the Indian law, also the court gives enough right to a daughter as goods as to soon, in al parental properties equally,.. . So, even that niece )( bhaanji ) ( when yr parents are not there, tomorrow ) can fight with yr wife and kids ( eventually ) and go to the courts and such,.

I think, it’s time for the parents to interfere here, and give everybody his/her line,… so that this kinda situation do not arrive in the family and still the sweet relations may can maintain,.. ! They should give her the necessary full and final part , telling her that now THAT is your home, and pl. feel no owningness from here, It’s just your brother’s home treat it that way,.. come, eat, jump,.. talk-joke and enjoy,.. but what we were to give you in your part, we have done it, so quit losing that owningness sense slowly but surely and handle your own home there.

And, for that,.. like I said, yr parents should give whatever they want to, to their daughter ( yr sister ) with “full and final”, that now that’s yr house is over there, and whatever the service, stay you are having here, will be just a favor, as we have done our duty as your parent, and you should learn, quitting slowly but surely the owningness from yrs Piyariya house.

Parents need handling here, to get set and settle his own married daughter there, otherwise these kinda owningness of Bhaanjii and such will create big problems in future when you get married and you have kids, wife ( a third party no blood person ) ,….. and even parents are not here.

I see yr parents not doing the right part here, to do his Kanya-bidaayi properly and give a line to their daughter and daughter’s daughter. And if they are not doing it in a familical and sweet way, they will leave tomorrow the court cases and legal fights for all,…



My 2 cents,..
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Old June 2nd, 2015, 08:35 AM
Jagmohan Jagmohan is offline
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Re: Case Study: Does the brother-sister bond vanish after marriage?

TM / OP :

The point I see here is,..

For every parents when a daughter is been got married,.. n’ now she has even kids and getting settled and been established in her sasur-house,.. parents should hold a meeting in their “hayaati” with her
and in a friendly n' mutual understanding comaidarie way,.. n’ should allot her the final,.. maal-matta - milkat-jaaydaat, kapda-latta, zhar-zhweraat,...... whatever,..
per their iichha-shakti, capacity, part and caliber,...... and let her be known that, from now on, "that" is your real house, and try detaching from here,
since eventually yr brother/s will get married and he will be having his own kids, wife and owning-ness here,..

So, this house is always open for you, for all fun-festivals, reeti-rewaaz, diwaali, raakhee, bhai-dooj, holi,…. and whenever if you surrounded by any trouble,.. for stay, halt and visaamo,..it's always open
but start practicing of detaching and deowning, as we are giving you yrs this final part and partition, per our iichha-shakti, and also teach yr kids also that way,..
that this is yr mama’s home, and not ours.
Tomorrow a new member ( yr bhabhi ) will arrive here, and she will be establishing the owningness, and we do not want any fights and quarrel court-cases for later-on !

And, if this sense is not properly established and if Parents failed, then the law will take the course, and Indian law now allots equal right to both son and daughter !
So,. After parents’ demise, the generation will rot in the court cases and tons of sour relationships, if proper departure and detachment is not executed by the parents, at the right time.

In your case, I see yr parents at fault, who failed to establish the line, and if he is not clear in drawing that line, yet..
later, it will be even more difficult and almost impossible to establish such lines.

...

Last edited by Jagmohan; June 2nd, 2015 at 08:39 AM.
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Old June 2nd, 2015, 09:09 AM
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Re: Case Study: Does the brother-sister bond vanish after marriage?

Edit-Add: After reading some dirty insinuations, I had to add this paragraph. Above narration is about my first didi. The niece shows such disrespect to our parents (i.e. her maternal grandparents) also. She used that “When will they leave” line for grandparents also. That’s why mom, dad and second didi are supporting me only. I will paste second didi’s opinion to clarify the matter. I thought normally didis reprimand this kind of kids by saying, “You should not talk like that. They are grandparents and uncle. If you are getting distracted, go to bedroom and study.” Instead, my first didi’s actions are influenced by her daughter! Questions arise about this didi's brain.

Last edited by Pakau; June 3rd, 2015 at 06:16 AM.
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Old June 2nd, 2015, 09:39 AM
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Re: Case Study: Does the brother-sister bond vanish after marriage?

Quote:
Originally Posted by swami View Post
One sided story in the first post
Whether it is one-sided or not... the upper floor was requested for and granted to the sister and her daughter. Pakrau pai's mistake was not to ask for a rent and then not to have a contract signed as to what is or is not available for access to that floor. Any individual will be uncomfortable if someone encroaches on their space... be it the closest available relationship.

The level of discomfort is dependent on the individual. You may have heard of individuals who would barge right into the bathroom while you are washing your face or brushing your teeth and take a sh*gar... no issue. And then there are individuals who feel uncomfortable even if you are standing outside their closed door... or peeking into your driveway on your evening walks. Each to his own.

And this daughter is not wrong at all in this case. She was uncomfortable and the message was conveyed amicably. But the think-headed Pakuar pai continues to use their home to browse who know what kind of sites (note, not mentioned in the thread). Sh*gar, I would be uncomfortable... even if it was my own brother... or wife... or son... or daughter... who would do this.
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Old June 2nd, 2015, 10:00 AM
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Re: Case Study: Does the brother-sister bond vanish after marriage?

Good post. Good responses.

Firstly, in today's world, every middle-class guy has a laptop. And what's the deal with having a computer in the corner of the living room on the upper floor, where nobody else has been living?

I don't see your teenage niece making unrealistic demands. How would you feel if your daughter was living in an apartment and your brother-in-law spent hours on end in the apartment. It's late at night. She wants to go to bed. But your thick brother-in-law is squatting in the living room, in his lungi and banyan, browsing the net. It must be really frustrating for her.

My advice: Buy a laptop.
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Old June 2nd, 2015, 10:34 AM
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Re: Case Study: Does the brother-sister bond vanish after marriage?

You find other insinuations dirty? Here's mine. The niece gets creeped out by you particularly and has her own life. Her side might be that you go there to ogle at her and use the computer only as an excuse. Else you would have got a laptop or a tablet. She is just extending her being mad at you to her nana Nani. For s woman her kids come first. Then husband and then parents and then siblings.dont bring the bro sis thing here. Now wait for dirty pai's response.
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Old June 2nd, 2015, 10:36 AM
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Re: Case Study: Does the brother-sister bond vanish after marriage?

Why do I smell Bagheera cooking??
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Old June 3rd, 2015, 07:10 AM
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Re: Case Study: Does the brother-sister bond vanish after marriage?

Quote:
Originally Posted by kalidas View Post
Good post. Good responses.
That seems to be the problem. Seeing our good responses, all the newbies just run away.

Junta wants Goody Goody responses like 'Ohh so sorry for you' and for some posts "ooohh so sweet. Thanks for sharing'.
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Old June 3rd, 2015, 08:51 AM
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Re: Case Study: Does the brother-sister bond vanish after marriage?

If it is the parents house, they are the ones who need to take the corrective action.

If its "yours", you need to.

Everything else differs from person to person & family to family.
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Old June 3rd, 2015, 01:29 PM
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Re: Case Study: Does the brother-sister bond vanish after marriage?

Niece wishes to have privacy.
Move PC to your own living quarters.
So what's the problem?
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Old June 3rd, 2015, 02:41 PM
Jagmohan Jagmohan is offline
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Re: Case Study: Does the brother-sister bond vanish after marriage?

^^ Just wondering,.. are a real life doctor ? a physical practitioner or a saahityik doctor ( Ph. D. ) ?
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