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  #1  
Old April 4th, 2001, 12:20 PM
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Being at that tender (?) uncertain age, when the society (Indian) considers you to be very marriagable, while you yourself are still not sure, time and again I have faced this question. Why Marry? Parents have started hinting, but for me arranged marriage is out of question, 'cos it never made any sense to me. Girlfriends are there, but never thought about any of them in the lines of marriage.

The thought itself is scary. The idea of bonding yourself with someone for the rest of your life is unnerving, to say the least. It seems so FINAL..so permanent. These are some questions that always spring up in my mind at the thought of marriage.
Doesn't it mean an end of some of the things you have been doing all your life?
Doesn't it mean the termination of a major chapter of your life-Bachlorhood?
Doesn't it mean so many added resposibilities viz. wife, kids etc. who would look up to you all the time? Doesn't it mean that you are actually going to stop living totally for yourself?

I would like the married amongst us to shed some light on these areas.

What was it that prompted you to marry? Love marriage is kinda understandable, but what about arranged marriage?

Were you confronter by similar thoughts and apprehensions before you took the plunge?

Married brethren, I look up to you for advise.
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  #2  
Old April 4th, 2001, 12:45 PM
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Dear Big-G,

Answer to all your "Doesn't it .." questions ... YES

You get married for one of the following reasons ..

1. You have found someone with whom you want to spend the rest of your life.

2. You want legitimate children.

3. You get someone pregnant, and her father has a gun.

4. Your parents force you into it.

5. You want to hide the fact that you are gay.

Pick your reason and get married.

In my case, it was love then arranged marriage. Once the girls parents found out, it became an arranged affair.

Heres a way. Party till you are almost dead every night for a month. At that point, marriage will start to look more appealing.

Hope this helps.

Sincerely,
Smelly
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Old April 4th, 2001, 01:00 PM
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Quote:
3. You get someone pregnant, and her father has a gun.
LOL ...but wouldn't it be easier and lesser painful to leave the town and assume a different identity?

Thanks a ton for the response, but pal, they wouldn't give you a job as a pre-nuptial counsellor even if you hold a gun on their head !!
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Old April 4th, 2001, 01:08 PM
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Thank God for that. I'd scare people right out of the idea of getting married. Will even call my marriage counselling company as "Stay Single Pre-Nuptual Counselling". Our motto is "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free". And when you are bored of milk you have the freedom to try juice, soda etc.
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  #5  
Old April 4th, 2001, 05:11 PM
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Why Marry?
=> why live?


The thought itself is scary.
=> life will always be scary..it's a matter of getting acquainted to the of life.


The idea of bonding yourself with someone for the rest of your life is unnerving, to say the least.
=> don't you feel bored with the same body, same hands, same dimaag bonded to you for life?



It seems so FINAL..so permanent. These are some questions that always spring up in my mind at the thought of marriage.
=> get married and you will realize it's the beginning of life, not FINALITY.

Doesn't it mean an end of some of the things you have been doing all your life?
=> Not if you find someone who matches / or you match to her frequency......you will enjoy doing all those things in life with a partner-in-crime


Doesn't it mean the termination of a major chapter of your life-Bachlorhood?
=> did you not enjoy passing out of high school and going to college?



Doesn't it mean so many added resposibilities viz. wife, kids etc. who would look up to you all the time? Doesn't it mean that you are actually going to stop living totally for yourself?
=>go the top of the himalayas and don't come back - vairagya le lo bhaiya - sansar ka tyaag kar ke.

I would like the married amongst us to shed some light on these areas.
=> Sure. I am pointing my ever-ready torch at you now.


What was it that prompted you to marry? Love marriage is kinda understandable, but what about arranged marriage?
=> arranged marriage is understandable. Love marriage is not. Arranged marriage means that the society has decided amonst all those present that you two are made for each other.
In love maariage, only you two basically decide that you are made for each other.....but love is blind...so I would not trust it unless endorsed by the society.


Were you confronter by similar thoughts and apprehensions before you took the plunge?
=> sure. why not.
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  #6  
Old April 5th, 2001, 11:28 AM
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Smelly said:
Quote:
Thank God for that. I'd scare people right out of the idea of getting married. Will even call my marriage counselling company as "Stay Single Pre-Nuptual Counselling". Our motto is "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free". And when you are bored of milk you have the freedom to try juice, soda etc.

... and your registration forms might look like this

1)Name of the sucker getting married (Yeah...you) : ---------------------------

2)Age (man, you are screwed!) ----------

3)Home address (The home won't be yours for long, sucker!!..hahaha) ---------------------------

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
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  #7  
Old April 5th, 2001, 11:32 AM
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Tantrik and Arya, thanks for the 'light'. (Arya bhai, itna daant key kyon bol raha hai? )


However, I don't agree with Arya on this point....

"arranged marriage is understandable. Love marriage is not. Arranged marriage means that the society has decided amonst all those present that you two are made for each other.
In love maariage, only you two basically decide that you are made for each other.....but love is blind...so I would not trust it unless endorsed by the society. "

I still feel that love marriage is better. Well, to each one his own....
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Old April 5th, 2001, 12:36 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by Big-G

However, I don't agree with Arya on this point....

"arranged marriage is understandable. Love marriage is not. Arranged marriage means that the society has decided amonst all those present that you two are made for each other.
In love maariage, only you two basically decide that you are made for each other.....but love is blind...so I would not trust it unless endorsed by the society. "

I still feel that love marriage is better. Well, to each one his own....
true. to each his own. but we are discussing. so let's discuss.

The problem that I see in love marriage is that majority people think they are in love just because (read me clearly)

ek ladka aur ek ladki do baar do minute fusoor fussoor batiya-e akele me to maan baite ki woh ek doosre ke liye bane hain. Bus phir shooroo ho gayee wohi dastaan.

I am in favor of love marriages IFF the decision is well informed by both the girl and the boy(man and woman), and in that case, it will also be endorsed by the parents and society both. Usually the parents will not endorse if they are khadoos/orthodox. But that is hard to find nowadays.

and like smelly said...such a love marriage is then arranged marriage.
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  #9  
Old April 5th, 2001, 01:04 PM
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awwright pal..lets discuss!

No. Such a marriage won't be an arranged marriage. It will still be a love marriage.
My definition of love marriage and arranged marriage are pretty simple. If you fall in love before you get married, it is love marriage. If you marry first, and then later fall in love (not necessary though) it is arranged.

Smelly's marriage is 100% love marriage. When he says 'arranged' he means arrangement of the function, ceremonies etc. His soulmate wasn't 'arranged' by his folks. He 'arranged' it himself. That's love marriage.

Arranged marriage is like a lottery. You rely too much on fate. I mean, she/he can turn out to be anything. He/she can be totally incompatible with you. Plus, the idea that your parents (or the society) are gonna decide who YOU are going to spend the rest of your life with, sounds crazy to me. Once married, the society can't do much to ensure your domestic happiness.

"ek ladka aur ek ladki do baar do minute fusoor fussoor batiya-e akele me to maan baite ki woh ek doosre ke liye bane hain. Bus phir shooroo ho gayee wohi dastaan. "

But even after two years of courtship, if they still think that "woh ek doosrey key liye baney hain", I guess it can be assumed safely that they will be happy. There is a difference between the initial infatuation and true love. Infatuation has to pass the test of time to get qualified to be called love.
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Old April 5th, 2001, 01:05 PM
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I dont know about that arya. People (including you, I think) wont even buy a car or tv without knowing if it is going to be good for you. And this is a wife you are talking about, not something you can exchange that easily within 60 days.

I think marriage should be approved but not necessarily arranged by our parents/family. If all else fails, then go the arranged route.
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Old April 5th, 2001, 01:35 PM
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hmmm.. now I get it.

what you are talking about when you say arranged marriage is Forced marriage .

No I do not support that.

When I say arranged marriage, I mean everyone of your relatives participate in the selection. everyone digs into the background of the partner (social spies) and gives you enough information to make an initial decision - that of an engagement.

after that you have some more time - in the range of 3-6 months to find out more about your partner.

It's after that only that you get married.

and beleive me smelly & big-G. Society helps a lot when there is a problem between the two partners and the active members of the society. Everybody will help you out in getting a resolution / solution.

but in pure love marriage - done against the wishes of the parents and society - when something goes haywire and you shout mayday-mayday.....then those people are going to say "see I told you so" ...rather than helping you.

practical experience...not a theory.

and don't tell me nothing goes wrong in love marriages.

after marriage - it's the same routine life - nothing is different between both of the varieties.
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  #12  
Old April 18th, 2004, 08:25 AM
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Few Links for other types of marriages

Link 1

Link 2
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Old April 18th, 2004, 08:29 AM
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Ray dheechodh kay

Pehlay yu decide kar kee kis tape kee saadi karnaa chaahvay hai tu .Khaali yoh kehnay say kaam naa chaltaa kee "Mai toh love marriage hee karungaa "

Abay kis tarh kee love marriage , hazaar kism kee love marriage hovayn aajkal , kuch legal haingee unmay hore kuch illegal .

Ghani tayknikal cheez haigi saadi , hore tu isnay majaak samajh raa sae .Itnaa lightly naa levay isko .
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Old April 18th, 2004, 09:37 AM
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priya lun* kishore udham. bahut hee jaldi reply kiya hai toone. ab tak to big-g ke bache bhi hogaye hai. kaha hai tu?
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Old April 18th, 2004, 11:24 AM
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Arrange Marraige doesnt fit into my scheme of things also .. so its a complete no no

But i am really open abt marraige .. the one girl i would love to be emotionally attached with .. The one i would love more than anything else ..

I am just waiting for my destiny to be revealed
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